A New exciting Adventure May 3, 2011

January 2010
For the Past 15+ years Eric has been capturing wedding for one of Chicago’s well known high end Photography studios, Stuart Rodgers Photography.
For the past 5+ years Eric has been their stuart Rodgers MAIN wedding photography and has become very close with the owners and their family.

In August 2010, Stuart Rodgers Photography approached Eric regarding Eric taking over the wedding photography side of the business. To say the least Eric was stunned, I however was not at all. Eric has worked so hard, been so loyal to SR photo.
Eric is a Gentle, honest, genuinely kind, passionate, amazingly talented and hard working guy. I firmly believe that is why SR photo felt confident in Turing their successful wedding business over to Eric.

So the deal was that they would no longer be booking weddings under Stuart Rodgers photography and referring all clients and inquires to Eric as well as changing the name on vendor list from Stuart Rodgers Photography to Eric Meng Photography at such venues as The Drake, Old St. Pats, The Four Season, Womens Athletic Club, The Ritz, University Club just to name a Few. They told Eric they would give him a few weeks to make a decision.

Eric informed me of all of this and we talked long and hard about it. I from the very beginning said “DO IT” it has always been my dream for Eric and our family to have our own wedding photography business. Eric is so talented and we both have that entrepreneurial spirit and personality and i have PR experience. However, in order to launch our own business would have taken months of hard work, time and money and Eric was not willing just yet to take that leap.
God had other plans though and in August 2010 Eric Meng Photography was born.
Stuart Rodgers photography officially turned their wedding business over to Eric and made this change to their website. ( click on the word this to read the news)

Of course this news came at one of the worst times for us as it was just 2 weeks before i was having my hysterectomy.
While the advertising part of the business was taken care of and we had instant clients we had to build the insides of the business so to Speak, create and launch his website, find a supplier and online proof and purchasing site, booking keeping, find an accountant, create packages and price list, etc. in a little under a month half of that time i was out of commission having and recovering from surgery so Eric was Mr. Mom, working his regular 9-5 full time job and creating and building his photo business. Wow…he never ceases to amaze me.

Eric did it and his first wedding under Eric Meng Photography was booked in October 2010, just under two months. Once he booked a few wedding the business took off and the business was officially successful and that all happened in only four short months.

This was not an easy decision but we would have been foolish to pass up this amazing once in a lifetime opportunity but at the same time taking this on meant that Eric and i would become very busy and we would have a lot to juggle.

Eric would still have to work his regular job for awhile and we NEED the insurance Eric gets from his work. Eric and i both have rather serious diseases and because of that we would never be approved for private health insurance. Of course I could get a job with good health insurance for the family but right now is important for the family that I continue to be a stay at home mom, taking care of the house and kids.
However, we have said from the beginning that if it becomes too much for Eric to work at SCHAWK and run the business then I would go back to work part-time to get health insurance.

I have been helping with the business and i love it. I will be creating all the albums and talking to the couples about their album design. I am very excited about this as it will bring out my creative side that for the most part has been in a box since i have became a mom. I am also helping with the PR side of the business and putting together the information folders for all perspective clients etc.

We could not feel more blessed and we thank God everyday for this opportunity.

My husband continues to amaze me and i am so thankful for him and so honored to be his wife and so incredibly proud of him!

A very magical New years May 3, 2011

For the first time in years we decide to stay in on New Years Eve and celebrate with the kids. 2010 was a year of much positive change for our family and 2011 will be a year full of even more positive change and new endeavors and i just wanted to stay home with my amazing husband and beautiful children and celebrate the end of 2010 and the begining of 2011

We had the kids take a later nap so they could stay up late.
We ordered Asian food, i made lots of yummy, healthy snacks, we had sparkling juice for the kids, watched a movie and then watch the festivities in Chicago and NYC on TV and played games.
I bought fun hats and noise makers and we had and absolute BALL. This was the best New years Eve!

We rang in 2011 with the kids at 10pm

We put the kids to bed at about 10:45. About a half hour later we hear little foot steps piddling down the stairs. Noah and Zofia did not want to miss out on the “real” celebration.

I was so curious as to what Silas our “party animal was doing and why he did not Join his big brother and little sister. So i went up to his room and was quite shocked when i saw this.
\
Bless his heart, He was passed out. This was out of the norm for Silas our little “frat boys” LOL

2010..the year of change December 5, 2010

A few days after the new year i had an experience that changed my life forever.
No need to go into detail about the experience as a whole as it is rather long and boring.
It changed who i am as a person, Wife, Mother, Daughter and Friend and i am forever grateful for that experience.
During this experience i learned a lot about myself and who i have become since Oct 2006 when i was diagnosed with Postpartum cardiomyopathy (PPCM)

I decided it was time for me to go back to work part-time….i just felt i needed a “work break”
I lost a little bit of who i am since my diagnoses in 2006 and i needed to get some of who i used to be back.
So in the begging of Feb I accepted a position as a educational home visitor/social worker for a Social service/child development center in chicago inner city.
I was very excited on my first day Feb 24, 2010 and after my first few weeks i felt like i have known my co-workers and boss forever. It was a perfect fit.
I loved the job, while i was nervous going into certain neighborhoods the families i served and what i was providing for them made it all worth it.

The kids took well to the change and loved their babysitters. We has a few different babysitters come to the house the days i worked.

While i miss being a full-time stay at home mom sometimes i know this is what i needed to do for my family and myself. It has made me a better wife, mom, daughter, sister in law and friend.

I have the best of both worlds right now. I have a “work break” three times a week and i have 4 full days with my kids at home. It is an extremely flexible job and the center is very family oriented which makes it very easy to be a part time working mom.
This has been one of the best decision i have made.

Some of My CRCL family – 2/2010

Catch up time November 21, 2010

In the process of updating my blog from this past year.
Oh my, I will NEVER neglect my blog again.
I am posting right now via the wordpress app on my iPhone. I am super excited about this app, Hoping it will make updating my blog/scrapbook easier.
Stay tuned for a years worth of posts soon:)

Survial mode February 14, 2009

Yesterday something happened that disturbed me very much as a mother.
The boys were TERRIBLE ALL DAY yesterday and so finally at 5.57pm exactly after the 45896 they pushed and hit Zofia I put them to bed without dinner.
They were shocked to say the least; Eric was not even home yet. They told me all about how they needed to eat dinner and put on PJ’s and watch TV with daddy first and I explained to them that they were not being good boys and bed was it end of story.

After I put them to bed I sat on the couch with Zofia and felt like the BIGGEST failure ever. Eric came home a few minutes later and I explained to him what happened. He went upstairs to talk to them and then came down and asked if I had eaten. I told him no and that his dinner was on the counter he looked at it once and said I am going to get a burrito and asked if i wanted anything. That was funny because I literally through something together and called it dinner….this has never happened. I could not even make a proper dinner because the boys were so BAD.

After we ate and I put Zofia to bed I sat and pondered about what happened today.

It was them that I began to cry and realized that I had lost control of my kids.
Last year when I was sick and prego with Zofia I entered SURVIAL MODE. I did whatever I could do to make life easy for the boys and I.
I let them run the show because I could not discipline them the right way and could not chase after them, I sometimes could not even talk to them without getting so out of breath i would have to take a break to catch my breath and by that time I had lost there attention. They were only 1.5 and 2.5 year old.
Then I went on home bedrest and then hospital bedrest for a month. There lives were changed upside down in a matter of weeks. Once I had Zofia and was home I had a nanny and other family and friends coming over everyday to help me because I was so sick and there was no structure really at all.

This summer when I felt better we were so busy making up for lost time that I did not even pay attention to how OUT OF CONTROL things had gotten.
Then I got sick again and I went into survival mode again without even realizing it. This time it was even worse because I did not have as much help as when I was prego with Zofia or after I had here. I had felt good for four months so there was no need to keep the nanny around or have friend and family over as often to help. I did not ask for help when I got sick again in October because I was too ashamed and did not want to admit that I needed help I just wanted to be better and be normal.

I went to school for child development, I worked in preschools, kindergartens and daycares, I was a nanny and I taught parents tips and tools for good parenting. How could I admit that I lost control and that I did not know what to do?
I was a pro at this yet I was failing.

Over the last several weeks I would often be weepy and sad and confused for no reason that I could think of at least, I just felt like something was off and I could not figure it out.

Finally last night it all hit me and I realized it was time that I let the boys know that mommy is better and that mommy means business and I knew no other way to gain control again.

My Survival mode became a habit or a rut if you will. It was all I knew for what felt like a really long time.

I decided I needed to make a routine for the morning and STICK TO IT. The mornings will be structured, filled with learning time, structured free play and many educational and social outings.

I will start on Monday and i know it will take time for everyone to adjust but once we do we will LOVE it and be happy.

I realize that it is not my fault but what I HAD to do to survive while my heart was giving out and I was too sick to sweep the floor. My heart failure relapse happened so quick that I never had a chance to figure out the RIGHT thing to do, I am not even sure there was a RIGHT thing to do in such a situation. You do what you have to do to survive.

I would be lying if I said I was not a little sad and teary eyed as I write this but that is just because the trauma of the last two years really hits me at moments like this the most.
In the end this is just going to bring me closer to my kids and make all of us stronger.

I know that God played a role in yesterday’s events and it was his way of WAKING ME UP.
It is times like this when I realize how important my relationship with God is and how when you feel like you have lost control and it will be too herd to pick yourself up God is right there to help you.
He gave me the wisdom and strength to face my worst fear.
In my heart I have known that I lost control and I did not know where to begin to gain that control back.
Right before the final straw last night I stepped into our Icon corner by myself and said a prayer and asked God to please help me through this and to give me the strength, courage and wisdom to get in control.
I was afraid, I was embarrassed and I was just at a loss, I felt like a failure.

I am looking forward to this new routine!

If anyone has any words of wisdom or ideas or encouragement I AM OPEN to ALL them just leave a comment or e-mail me at julianameng@yahoo.com

Thanks in advance:-)

CHRIST IS BORN!!! December 24, 2008

GLORIFY HIM!!

I hope you all have a very Blessed Christmas!

“A Flare up” November 26, 2008

I asked the doc yesterday when I talked to her why I felt so good for four months to then get sick again. I told her I thought the fact that my Troponin started to elevate again was weird since my heart looks good.

She said what I am in the middle of is a “flare up”. A flare up is when your symptoms return after days, week, months or years of feeling great. She said the fact that my troponin started to elevate a few weeks after my flare started is an indication that something is happening in my body, just what that something is is not yet known

A friend of mine who also happens to be a ppcm survivor also deals with the same type of systemic disease that i do, She has given me some tips on how to manage a flare up and what to do when i am feeling good to try and prevent a flare up.
These things include yoga, drinking green tea, listening to my body and getting as much rest as possible among other things.
I am excited to start implementing these things in my life. This will make me feel like i have control over my symptoms or that i am doing something proactive.
I am most excited about doing Yoga again. Before i got prego with Noah i used to do Yoga everyday and loved it and loved the effect it had on my body. I had every intention of doing prenatal yoga when i became prego with Noah but i could not. I was so uncomfortable doing it and it just seemed so much harder so i stopped.

Today i awoke and Said “today will be a good day” and so far it is. I feel rested and ready to tackle this busy day i have ahead of me and i will go about the day feeling thankful for all that i have and am!

Got the call November 25, 2008

It has taken me sometime to write this post because I am just not sure what to say.
Most of my blood work was inconclusive and so I am to follow up with the Rhemo doc here in Chicago on Dec 15.

This is what the doc had to say.
I have a systemic disease that has yet to FULLY manifest itself in my body therefore this systemic disease invading my body remains nameless.
She said this is a place were people with such conditions like lupus stay for a long period of time sometimes. She said getting a Dx of Lupus is a long, long, long road for some people and she is sorry to say that I am one of those people.
She did say that there are still ways to treat the symptoms I am having and that she could clearly see in her examination of me. She will let the Rhemo here decide which methods of treatment are best since he will be the doc I see regularly.

So that is that.
I am ok with all of this. I do not feel like we are still trying to solve a puzzle instead I feel like progress has been made and the puzzle is almost solved.

Now when I wake up each morning before I get out of bed I will say aloud
“today will be a good day”
And that is how I will approach each day. I will slowly start doing my normal activities and lay low when my body tells me to. I believe that positive attitude has a lot to with how you feel and so I will stay as positive.
I will not allow my symptoms to control my life instead I will learn how to control my symptoms.

Feeling a sense of peace November 22, 2008

This past Wednesday i left Chicago with Zofia and my dear friend Danielle and her Daughter Rosie and headed to Cleveland, Ohio to go to the Cleveland Clinic in hopes of FINALLY solving this medical mystery that has plaqued me for 2 LONG years.

Cleveland Clinic was amazing. Everyone was so nice and everything ran so smoothly.
The Doc was very Serious but that is what i wanted. You could tell that she was interested in solving this mystery and took everything very seriously.
She ran a bunch of blood test, a total of 14 vails of blood was collected.
This is what she had to say.
She has seen a postpartum cardiomyopathy that was misdiagnosed, it in fact was Lupus. I found that to be very interesting and somewhat relieving.
She said that she has to review the blood work to see if any of it is “making any nosie” and that she would like to talk to my cardio. She said she would be in touch as soon as she had some info for me.
I can not be discouraged though if the blood work comes back negative as this is the way it is with lupus. A person can have all the symptoms and be in the middle of a flare up but that does not mean anything will show up in the blood, that is just the way it is with Lupus.

So while i have been to the best of the best and i feel hopeful that my mystery will be solved i have to remember that it may not be the right time yet.
She will guide me in the right direction and lead me to my next step if it happens that my blood test are negative.

I was feeling very anxious after my appt but we made a trip to see my Grandparents just 1.5 hours from cleveland and that calmed me down.
It was so wonderful to see them. They are so dear to me and i made their day by visiting them, they were so thrilled to be with Zofia for a bit. they made my day as well;-) I also had the chance to visit with my Aunt Maureen and that is always great afterall she is the reason i knew i wanted to be a stay at home mom.

We left early friday morning and it was not until half way through the trip that i became anxious again for that phone call, finally i called the clinic to see if my blood work was back and it was not all back.

So here i sit patiently! The phone call will come when it comes and in the meantime i will just go about my days without worry and anxiety.

I feel an extreme sense of peace tonite as i write this. I know that i was FINALLY listened to and fully evaluated by an expert and my symptoms were validated.

I will feel so peacfully if an answer is given to me but at the same time i have learned that such answers take time and the puzzle is not always that easy to solve.

I will post as soon as i have heard from the doc.

Thank you to Danielle and Rosie for going with me it was a real bonding experience for Danielle and I as well as for Rosie and Zofia….they love each other so much!

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers!

She would climb a mountian for me! November 14, 2008

That would be my dear friend Danielle. The tears are already pouring out of my eyes and I have not even gotten to the real tear jerker yet:-)

Danielle has been in my life for about 3 years now and each day our friendship gets stronger and stronger. We met at St. Georges Orthodox Cathedral ( the church we attend) when I was prego with Noah. Eric and I became good Friends with Danielle and her husband just after Noah was born, so when we got prego with Silas we knew right away we wanted Danielle and Randy tobe Silas Godparents.
They are not just our friends but our Family.

When I was first Diagnosed with PPCM in Oct/Nov 06 she admitted to me that she was real freaked out by the recent turn of events. I told her not to be and that I would be just fine.

In April of 2007 when I was going to see the Heart failure docs at Loyola Danielle offered to come with me. My mom was going to come but I wanted her to watch the kids and I wanted a friend with me.
Danielle is a real go getter, she researches everything from the best sippy cups to sports towels ( I never knew there was such a thing:-) and she does not take NO for an answer so I knew she would ask the questions i did not know to ask.

Danielle has gone to most every doc appt with me the scheduled ones and the last minute ones.

She has been to my house with as little as 45min notice to watch my babes while i go to the doc or to go with me to the doc.

She has spent countless hours listening to me cry and yell in frustration and pain. She has also spent countless hours researching PPCM, heart failure, troponin leaks, etc and she was even in contact with a PPCM researcher in Wa. when I was on hospital bedrest.

I cannot even express to you how I feel about Danielle, She is not just my Best friend but she is my advocate and my #1 cheerleader. She encourages me when I need it but she also is not afraid to tell me how it is when i need a kick in the Ass. She is the first to tell me I am not overreacting and that I NEED to call my Doc or slow down or what have you.

While I also have the support of Eric, My Mom and Dad, Joy, Nichole Mamie Sheryl and many others Danielle has been the one who has walked this road the most with me.

She will do just that again in a few days when we pack up my car and our baby girls and head to Cleveland for an appt with Rhemotologist at the Cleveland Clinic. It was Danielle who called and got me this appt last week while I was at the cardio.

She is taking three days out of her week to drive 7 hours with her 1.5 year old to attend a doc appt for me. That is utterly amazing to me and I am so grateful that I am a bit speechless.

She has supported me about going to Mayo or Cleveland clinic for sometime now and while there are some people in my life who think it is silly that I am going, Danielle always reminds me that it is not silly but the RIGHT thing to do.

The Cleveland Clinic is #2 in the country for Rhemotology and the Doc i am seeing specializes in Lupus.
I have had enough of the run-around with Docs here in Chicago and since Lupus is such a hard disease to diagnoses I thought I would just go to the experts.

Pretty much whatever this doc tells me I will believe because they are that good and she would not give me a run-around when she knows I have traveled 400 miles to see her. They deal with situations like mine all the time and people come from all over the country.

So on Wednesday around noonish Danielle and I will head on our journey for Answers. We are staying at a nice hotel with lots of room and we will make this a fun trip too, stopping at all the outlets malls on the way. She is my shopping buddy too:-)

So with all that said Danielle I love you more then you could ever know and I appreciate all you do for me more then you will ever know.
Thank you for being such a Fabulous Friend and for walking this road with me every step of the way.
Thank you for not just being my Friend But Eric’s too and for loving him and my precious children so very much!
You are a true Gem!